5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED AFTER MY FIRST HEARTBREAK

1.IT HAPPENED FOR A REASON

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Whether you believe it or not your breakup did happen for a reason. After my first break up I had a hard time understanding why I was going through it and why it was happening. To me it seemed like we both loved each other so why are we breaking up? Why not try to work it out and give it another chance? Little did I know that the whole time God was working on it. Our break up was supposed to happen because maybe we weren’t even supposed to be in a relationship in the first place. God let it happen that way because He knew if we were to stay together it wouldn’t be good for either of us. At the time of the break up I couldn’t understand it, I didn’t get why God let us get together in the first place if we were supposed to break up. I promise you though there are underlying reasons on why it had to happen. Sometimes that reason will be known to us and other times it may remain a mystery, all we can do is have faith and trust in God knowing He knows what’s best for us.

2. HEALING TAKES TIME

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I know this is common sense, most people after a heartbreak don’t get over it that fast. It took me years to finally get over my ex and be ready to start dating again or at least be open to the idea. The first 3 months of the break up were the hardest, I found myself missing him, thinking about what could’ve gone right and what went wrong, why we didn’t work out, how I could be so stupid to fall for someone who didn’t love me as much as I loved him and wondering why God let me go through this. It wasn’t until after those 3 months that I decided to let go and just let God fill me up. I brought it all to Him, my anger, my pain, my sadness. God already knew, He knew what I was going through and was already there waiting for me to accept His love. That is when God started working on me, started to heal my heart, piece by piece. I was still in pain for a while but with Gods love it didn’t hurt as much. I was able to let go of what was and begin to move on and start looking forward to what could be and what God wants for me.

3.YOU CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOVED AFTER A BREAK UP (at least not right away…)

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Oh the famous “It’s not you..it’s me. But, we can still be friends” line that everyone always says after a break up. Let me give you a little tip, don’t do it. Don’t be friends, at least not right now. There are some people who can become friends with the person that they used to date and that’s cool. For me I wasn’t that type of person who could love someone so much, get heartbroken, and still be able to be friends while I watch him date other girls, ya know? That was just too much. Silly me I still tried to do it because I loved him that much. I tried staying friends with him for another month or so and it was torture. I watched him have fun while I was in my room crying, I got to see him with other girls and what was I doing? Still crying in my room -.- So my advice to you is to say no and delete every single thing that will remind you of that person. Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, texts, old pictures, stuffed animals, etc. Get rid of it and start new. This is a new chapter in your life and you don’t need things that will be a constant reminder of what was. This will allow you to heal and let God work through you. If you’re someone who still wants to be friends with their ex then by all means go ahead, but please.. do it after you’ve healed, do it after your ex has healed. Whether they broke up with you or you broke up with them both of you are going through things that the other many not understand. Give it time, heal, and become who you were meant to be before you jump into something else.

4.THE PAIN GOES AWAY. YOU’LL GET OVER IT!

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I never though the pain would go away. A year later and I could still feel the ache. A simple place we used to hang out, a song, or even a word would flood my mind with memories, the good and the bad. I felt like no one understood me, no one knew the kind of pain I was going through because it’s not like you could physically see it. I tried to hide and I wondered when it would go away. The pain dragged on and I just kept asking God to help me get through it because when I felt like I was taking a step forward something would happen and I would take two steps back. It was like a never ending cycle. But the more I was seeking God the more I was finding healing, even though the memories would pop up in my head it wouldn’t hurt as much. Looking back it’s the start of year 4 since my break up with my ex, do the memories ever pop up in my head? Yeah of course, some things you just can’t erase. But do the memories bring pain still? No, the more I look back at my last relationship that more I thank God for healing me and taking the pain away. For some people it might be a long process for others the process might short, but the only thing I can promise you is that you’ll be healed.

5. MAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF

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This is the perfect time for you to focus on you. Maximize your singleness (I’ll be having a singleness series on my YouTube channel soon so make sure you’re subscribed!). During this time have fun, find out new things that you like to do. Focus on God. Grow in your relationship with Him and watch Him unfold things about you that you never knew because no else knows us better than the One who created us! Take a break from dating, do rush into it so much. Remember how I mentioned my last relationship was four years ago? Well, two years after the break up I didn’t date anyone. I had my time of heart break, I had my time of healing, and then time of finding myself and who God wanted me to do be. Once I was healed it was like I was looking at life through a different lens, I just wanted to be free, to live life, to do things that I enjoyed and not have to worry about a boyfriend for awhile and I can tell you it has been the best four years of my life. I traveled, I did missions, started learning a new language, spent time with family and created stronger relationships between family and friends.

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Take what has happened to you and learn from it. Reflect on what happened in the relationship and use that as a future reference to what you want in the next person you date. Look at the past but don’t dwell on it. Let it go, because you can’t live your life if you’re still holding onto you past. You won’t find someone like your first love, but if you follow God, trust in Him, you’ll find someone better. Keep seeking God and all things will come into place. Ladies you don’t need to seek for a man, let him pursue you and when the time is right he will come. God’s timing is the best so don’t rush it. Enjoy this season of your life. Do things you’ve always wanted to do! This is a time where you have obligations to no one, you can do things without having to worry about a significant other.

Embrace your singleness, maximize it because you won’t get this time back in your life.

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